The late Mac Miller's "Circles"

By: Hallie Horton

Mac Miller’s album “Circles” is best understood within the context of his entire discography. In taking the time to dive into Miller’s music, I’ve seen that his story appears to be the classic chase after stardom. You know the one. It’s the story of the person who uses their passion as a vehicle to attain a never-ending pool of money, drugs, sex, and fame only to feel sorely disappointed when these wins don’t satisfy their deeper mental, physical, and spiritual needs. This being said, Miller’s heart was no doubt in the right place throughout his teen years and all the way into adulthood.

Miller’s earliest releases (“Knock Knock,” “Kool Aid and Frozen Pizza,” and “Senior Skip Day”) are riddled with hunger and excitement. He made it a point in his 2010 releases to frankly let people know he was fully aware of his gift. He knew he wanted to share this gift and he knew the world needed it, so he did what he needed to do and worked his ass off to make it happen. 

You can see his first major effort in his 2011 album release, “On and On and Beyond.” In track five, “In the Air,” Miller expressed his gratitude and made sure to give himself a good pat on the back for all of the hard work he’d put in. “Blessed with some success so I'ma try my best to live my life right. When I see God he'll be impressed.” Promises of a bright future were in the air.

This bright future seemed to have made a grand entrance when “Macadelic” was released in 2013. Miller was no doubt having the time of his life when he wrote this album. He had everything he wanted – the drugs, the money, the sex, the girls. He’d done it. He’d scored the ultimate high life. 

We can see how his fandom (and so, his stardom in equal proportion) grew throughout “Watching Movies with the Sound off,” wherein Miller spoke to his lavish lifestyle and the accompanying idolizing effect.

Miller rode this wave all the into and through 2015, when he released “GO:OD AM.” In track five, “100 Grandkids,” Miller said, 

“Back when I first made a hundred grand, thought I was the shit. When I first made a hundred grand, thought I was a king. When I first made a hundred grand, couldn't tell me nothin’. Let me get some money.” 

This is when his relentless pursuit for more, more, more showed its face more than ever before. In “Break the Law,” Miller spoke to the stupid amount of money he was earning paired with his his rapidly inflating ego. He figured he was above it all when he said, “get money, fuck the system, break the law.”

It wasn’t until 2016 when Miller released “The Feminine Divine” that the audience could see Miller beginning to evolve. He was developing a deeper understanding of a world beyond drugs, sex, and rock ‘n’ roll. Miller sang, “[I know] shit get old when I act so young.” He spoke to the importance of keeping quality people close and maintaining loving relationships. It was in this moment when Miller began to realize people are more important than partying. It’s obvious throughout the album that he was struggling with to progress despite his best efforts. Perhaps this was the cause for Miller’s subsequent two-year hiatus.

Miller returned (at long last) in 2018 with his singles, “Programs” and “Buttons,” as well as his full album “Swimming.” It’s clear in said releases that Miller had spent the past two years asking questions and reevaluating and redesigning his life from the inside out. In “Programs,” Miller sang about his journey to regain control.

“I’m always goin’ overboard. I better swim before I drown…I don’t got a reason to lie. They gave me the key to the sky, but I’d rather open my eyes, ‘cause that’s what’ll keep me alive…me and liquor, evil mixture, demons clitter…I’m only keepin’ good company. I am not talkin’ to you if you don’t have love for me.”

In “Swimming,” Miller fights tooth and nail to figure how he could feel so hollow after having manifested his dream life. “You never told me being rich was so lonely. Nobody know me, oh well. Hard to complain from this five-star hotel.”

Promising as his revelations may have seemed, Miller spoke in the same breath about his unwillingness to face the rawest challenges of the world when he sang, “There’s a world going crazy outside, but let’s pretend it’s alright” (as written in “Buttons”). He continued speaking to his inflated ego and an opulent lifestyle in the 2018 releases, but a transformation was still, without a doubt, underway. It was apparent Miller was on a desperate hunt for a place safe and familiar that felt like home. He was on a mission.

“Circles” is where the boy became the man. This album is the culmination of his entire 26 years on Earth. Miller successfully held light and dark, burden and forgiveness, love and heartbreak all in the same hand. It’s plain to see he still didn’t feel his best, but dammit if he wasn’t giving it his all, despite the debris of his former life. 

“Now, I wish I could take all your pain, but when the toxin is fame…the drugs, they don’t fill the hole, no. No connections again. Wish you picked up the phone. Knew that I’d be your home. Knew that you weren’t alone.”

This was it. This was his time. This was his reckoning. He was slowing down, taking his time. He was learning about his voids and his unsuccessful attempts to fill them. He was replacing frivolous with fulfilling values. He was taking off the masks. He was done pretending. 2018 was the year he decided to get real with himself and the world around him, which made his passing that much more untimely, tragic, and incomprehensible. He was just getting the hang of things. He was just getting started. It’s gut-wrenching to hear the line, “Well, it's a mad world. It made me crazy. Might just turn around, do a 180” without thinking Miller was writing his own prophecy.

We count our lucky stars that with Miller’s family’s blessing, legend Jon Brion was able to see the production of “Circles” to the end. Miller’s legacy speaks to the importance of holding massive dreams, facing equally huge struggles, and engaging in the noble fight for fulfillment. His body is gone but his legacy lives, and he’ll continue to teach us for as long as we’re willing to listen. Thy kingdom come. 

*I feel it worth noting this article is pure speculation. It would be mad to think that any one person could paint the fullest and truest picture of another’s life. It would be impossible for anyone but Mac Miller himself to do his story full justice.